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9-13-2018: Diagnosis Day


9-13-2018.... It was a Thursday.
I guess that's a date you aren't supposed to ever forget. I had to work the night before and needed to go home to sleep after to go back to work. So I just wanted to get the inevitable over with.

When I arrived to the surgeon's office with my husband, I signed in. On the paperwork next to the desk clerk I noticed my results listed at the bottom. So I already knew before going back to see doctor. I just kept it all to myself. It was what I expected so no real feelings yet.

I get back in room and wait for the doctor. He walks in and shakes my hand and just lets it out that my results revealed Paget's. He sits down and I'm still calm at this point. He then goes on to tell me that we need to do a mastectomy. I asked if I heard right and then started to cry a bit. I guess in all my research I concluded to myself (you know, since I'm a doctor in my mind at this point) that I only needed to take off the nipple and be done. He insisted that I needed a mastectomy. He then left me alone for a bit. My husband just sat there. I guess he was in shock a bit. Understandable. I had already came to terms in my mind before he even knew anything was going on.

The doctor came back in the room and said we could do a skin-sparing mastectomy and I opted for a double to be more even and well, why not! Let's just take them both and get it over with. He said he would put me in touch with his plastic surgeon and we could go from there. I would also be scheduled for an MRI to see further detail on the insides.

Off to home I go, but first I have to message my mother and let her know. I knew not to call because I would just break down again. She said she would let my brothers and my son know. I still had yet to discuss any of this with the two kids that lived with me.

I went home and tried my best to sleep. This after a good long cry. I then texted my boss and let her know of my situation and that I would need time off at some point. My husband had left to drive around and I stayed home to rest. I couldn't ever fall asleep, so I had to text my boss that I could not come in due to not sleeping. I felt bad because we were already short-handed at work. I'm sure they understood. I still felt bad though.

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